So I had passed! With minor corrections. A few things here and there that needed reworking, and I would be ready for data collection.

Sometimes before defense, I think the mind works in a linear way: I shall defend, pass, make corrections, immediately collect data, analyse, present and defend.

Nothing was further from the truth for me. You see, I lived for the defense. I breathed the defense and frequently woke up in the night to write notes on my phone on perspectives I needed to explore further. I pitched my defense in my mind whenever I had a free thinking moment. Then when it came, I applied myself body, soul and mind. Every  part of me had soaked in scholarly liquid through some form of diffusion. And after I had passed, I my body couldn’t handle burst and I came down with some kind illness.

It took me time to recover. I needed time to reread my proposal and see what I was talking about. I needed time to plan my next steps. It took me time to get back my mojo. My supervisor and I agreed to edit and cut off a chunk of thought from my work- that has painful implications. But I am learning not to be attached to words. Because I have a weird attachment to my writing. Finally, when I figured I want to get over and done with this project, it was 2.5 months after defense. I have no regrets at all. Forget the time plan I had so vigorously defended!

I reworked the proposal, made a new schedule to follow, and rekindled contacts I needed for the collection of data.

My suspicion is, after the first the phase of living for defense, the collection of data is when you live for  you, especially if it is something you are looking forward to. I am looking forward to meeting new people, to observing behaviour, to the travel and sincerely, to proving that I can and will add to knowledge. I so desperately want to.