I must say that the Thesis defense was one of the most difficult academic things I have had to do. Not even the 6 hour final course work exams were that difficult.

I was sitted in a large boardroom and I made sure to arrive a few hours earlier so that I could soak in the sheer distance there was going to be between my assessors and I. They sat about 10 meters away, and separating us on the sides, were curious young scholars, some known to me others unknown. They were there to cheer me on in silence. I think the idea was that every time I experienced a tough moment, looking at them would help me get re-energised. I like to think that just as I had learnt from watching others go ahead of me, they would learn from my experience.

The defense was slotted for 2 pm. The cheer leading squad was settled and the examiners were hoarded in a room having lunch and discussing my work, and perhaps, me.

At 2:30, with everyone settled and in the intimidating silence, the chair invited me to make my 10 minute presentation. I can only say, the good Lord gave me courage and confidence to declare my work as a contribution to knowledge- the knowledge the world is waiting for, and I as the able person to deliver it.

I believe in intellectual humility- the idea that even if I know stuff, there is always someone who can explain it better or even who knows it better than myself, and I therefore cannot arrogantly lay a claim to it. That there is nothing new under the sun.

But, the defense is the exact opposite.

I pushed myself to use complex explanations through rhetorical questions, and then  tucked in my simple yet interesting study. I looked people in the eye, even though I couldn’t see them, I raised my voice and dropped it for effect, and calculatedly used gestures. I surprised myself  by sneaking in a word or two that I had memorised to describe what I was saying, and was internally thrilled by the imagination that a number of people may have not known them. They confirmed later :). If you’re going to prove that you are contributing to knowledge, you might as well persuade yourself thoroughly first, before seeking to recruit others.

In the true sense of the word, I defended my case.

About two and a half hours later, which is a month’s worth of questions, I was drained. I heard the claps and kind words later, but I was not listening. I was tired and had out-thought myself.

I learnt a number of lessons both from the comments of the examiners and from the cheering squad that was happy to give me feedback:

1. confidence gives your content  mileage. I disagreed when I had to, sought clarification when I needed to, and dropped names of scholars and recent studies to support my thoughts. I felt I knew what I was talking about.
2. the shortcut to defending does not exist. You have to be thoroughly prepared to state your specific case, and cases that may be around it. There is always that one examiner who likes to digress, and if you can engage them meaningfully, it is a great thing.
3. treat defense like a conversation and try and block out other people who are not part of the conversation. In the same way that one would have an animated conversation on a train or matatu with a friend. At that point, it is just the friend and you. Explain to them, lovingly- I dare say, even when they do not get it. And listen. Some and audibly and admittedly, take note of perspectives you have not thought about.
4. My supervisor implored me constantly to take the stance of the expert. Working my way backwards, I realised in order for me to confidently believe that I am an expert, I had to behave like one and get armed with all I could.

As I received the very welcome news of my having passed the defense, nothing could prepare me for what was coming next.