I have not written a thing in the past few days, but I have been thinking deeply about my data and now watching videos  on and reading about  coding. Then last week, I went to see my supervisor in his capacity as  registrar, not supervisor, and certainly, he asked me how my coding was coming along! I’ve talked about him before and the way he has a way of exerting unassuming yet heavy pressure on me. Anyway, it is this pressure that has me reading on coding and not wanting him to give me one of those random calls I dread. I shall surely thank him in an extra Chapter of gratitude when this is done :).

But I have something that is bothering me. Two things actually. 1) that I no longer feel the pressure to want to graduate in December (and this is not a good thing), and 2) I must publish. They are probably related. I dread 1 because a certain laissez faires approach to this study is threatening my resolve to finish. I think one of the enemies to writing is waiting to be ‘there’…a place that I ‘feel like’ writing. Almost like I am a temperamental writer. 2 bothers me a bit because of the dreadful stories I hear about publishing – papers rejected, papers taking  a long time to publish, the impact factor of journals to consider etc.

Thinking about it a bit more, it’s probably fear, but it’s also simply a lack of confidence in me and my writing. A friend of mine has constantly told me he does not understand why I have not published more than the 1 chapter I contributed in a certain book (a book I’m not proud of at all). He is constantly injecting messages of motivation to believe in myself…and I am constantly finding opportunities to work on his message- some day…

Anyway, back to my coding reading for now. Let’s see now I fair this week.